health

Holding My Truth Close (for now)

I know, it’s been a while. It’s been almost a year since I’ve written anything other than a few journal pages here and there. Life has brought about so many changes this past year – getting settled in Louisville, finding a church that serves a diverse population and seeks to live pure love in our community, seeing relationships damaged and smoothed over but still seeking healing, working in a job that almost crushed my soul, finding a job that is a good fit and feeds my soul, building new friendships and finding ‘my people’, having friendships strained and tested as we move toward different world views in this ever-changing political climate, realizing that as much as I want to be loving and open I am really scared and selfish, watching tragedy hit my small circle and having our lives turned upside down.

These are all important topics, worthy of writing and sharing. Love, abuse, betrayal, forgiveness, social justice, racism, truth, lies, spirituality, boundaries, passion, purpose, friendship, reconciliation, depression, suicide, mourning, healing, joy, service, and community. Valuable lessons learned, our hearts have grown and we will never be the same. But I can’t write about any of that. Not yet, anyhow. I’ve been trying to figure out how to write my truth, the truth that is blossoming in my heart through the lessons I have learned with family, friends, fellow lovers of Christ, my community, and those with whom my broken heart is grieving. But to share these stories, to share MY story, is complicated. To share my truth involves sharing other people’s truths as well, for they are all connected. And I haven’t quite figured out how to share my truth without betraying another’s truth. So until I figure out how to navigate those waters, I have decided to write about something else. 

To enter back into the world of writing, and in many ways, the world in general, I am going to write about my Next Big Adventure. This life in Louisville has offered us some new opportunities, and consequently I am about to embark on the trip of a lifetime. A three-week trip around the world – one week in Paris, one week in southern Germany, and one week in India. And I want to share it with you. It’s going to be a whirlwind trip, but I will try to write as I have time. Come with me – Adventure is out there!

 

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Confessions of a Food Addict Starting the 10-Day Green Smoothie Cleanse

THE DAY BEFORE: Prepping for the 10 Day Green Smoothie Cleanse:

  • Go grocery shopping and buy ingredients for smoothies and snacks as suggested in the book (Click on the book title for more info on the book 10-Day Green Smoothie Cleanse by JJ Smith)
  • Also buy lasagna and bread and ice cream for ‘one last good meal’
  • Eat lasagna for dinner and put away left-overs.
  • Realize that tomorrow you will be in the house alone with leftovers.
  • At 10:30 pm remember that you have a pint of your favorite ice cream in the freezer, and eat it quickly so it won’t tempt you tomorrow.
  • Get nauseated by eating ice cream too fast, put the last 1/4 of the pint in the freezer.
  • Consider wrapping up leftovers and taking them to the neighbors to ask them to guard them from you while you do your cleanse.
  • Too embarrassed to reveal your weakness to the neighbors, devise a plan for the morning to take all food that might be tempting and wrap it in plastic bags, tying it tight, and putting it in the freezer.
  • Consider taking the two partial pints of ice cream and freezing them in a block of ice so they will be that much more difficult to access.
  • Realize the block of ice plan is ridiculous, so back to plan A of wrapping and freezing food items.
  • Set reminders for tomorrow morning to weigh yourself and take a ‘before’ pic of your face so you can see how much less blotchy and bloated you look after the miraculous 10 day cleanse.
  • Decide to spend tomorrow eating all of the food in the house that could be tempting, and then start smoothie cleanse the day after tomorrow.

DAY 1: 10 DAY GREEN SMOOTHIE CLEANSE:

  • Wake up early and lay in bed for one hour, pondering your existence.
  • 0730: Decide that all groceries are here, and if you don’t start today it will be that much harder another day. Decide to go downstairs and put all tempting food into freezer when you make your smoothie.
  • 0745: Step on scale. Go to the bathroom. Step on scale again. Wash face, then step on scale again. Take average of three weights (which are all within ounces of each other).
  • Take mirror selfie as ‘before’ picture, resisting temptation to put on any makeup.
  • Go to the kitchen and gather all ingredients. Arrange them just-so and take picture for Instagram. Blend ingredients per instructions for day one. Take more pics as you go.

smoothie 3 smoothie 2

  • Fill 3 liter pitcher with water for the day.
  • Pour smoothie into glass. Slowly drink. It tastes good.
  • Feel very proud of yourself. You can do this. Don’t worry about putting the food in the freezer, you can do it later.
  • Feel a caffeine headache coming on. Take Excedrin migraine to wean yourself off the caffeine and hopefully avoid the headache. (It contains caffeine but you can avoid the habit of drinking coffee).
  • Boil eggs for snacks, almost burn them (yes, you can burn hard-boiled eggs if you really try).
  • Set out other items for allowed snacks – fruit, unsalted nuts, unsweetened peanut butter.
  • Spend morning drinking lots of water and having an occasional snack. Cut the small brown spots off the egg whites to avoid the charred taste.
  • Record all calories on Fitbit app.
  • Spend much of the morning peeing because of all of the water you’re drinking.
  • Take a nap.
  • Wake up and realize you are hungry. That lasagna in the fridge sure sounds good. Imagine how the lasagna will taste in your mouth.
  • Think about putting food in the freezer, but instead decide to just eat it and then it won’t tempt you anymore.
  • Eat the rest of the lasagna. Remember that there are two partial pints of ice cream in the freezer. You might as well get rid of them, too.

ice cream

  • Justify eating it all now because you’ve heard it’s not good to overeat close to bedtime.
  • Think about how delicious the lasagna and ice cream were. Start to feel bad that you actually ate them, every bite.
  • Sit and wonder what to do next.
  • Consider just starting Day 1 again tomorrow.
  • Feel another headache starting, take another Excedrin.
  • Decide that since there is still 2/3 of a pitcher of green smoothie in the refrigerator, and the tempting food is out of the house, you can just start over RIGHT NOW.
  • Decide not to record all calories eaten today, because the is just too depressing.
  • For the rest of the night, drink the remainder of the green smoothie and drink the rest of the water early so you won’t be peeing all night.
  • Tell your husband about your day of eating, just to keep it real. Be thankful that he loves and supports you no matter what.
  • Write about your shaky start to the 10 Day Green Smoothie Cleanse. Write to let others know that you don’t have to be perfect, and to keep yourself accountable for tomorrow, which is a new day.
  • Disable comments on blog to avoid hearing everyone’s opinions and solutions to your weight loss woes. (And don’t message me, either. Thanks. #SorryNotSorry)

Click here to read about Day Two

And here to see what happens during the rest of the cleanse (and what happens when you take food away from a food addict)

Adventures In Yoga and Healthy Habits

Today’s adventure into the awkward and uncomfortable is yoga with my neighbor. My neighbor, sweet Anne. She invited me yesterday to one hour of chair yoga and one hour of mild yoga. Which is good, because I’m a beginner. Unlike my son Jordan, who can twist himself into a pretzel, I’ve never been flexible. (Yes, I know the cigarette is unhealthy, but LOOK AT THAT POSE).

jordan habits

I’m the girl who could NEVER do a backbend or the splits. Hours and hours of practice as a child only brought numerous bruises on my head from the basement floor, and shunning from my gymnast peers. My greatest athletic accomplishment as a child was the routine I did during a summer fitness class, skipping to “Up, up, and away in my beautiful, my beautiful balloooooon!” while frantically waving ribbons tied to the ends of long sticks. I guess maybe the awkward and uncomfortable aren’t so new to me after all.

Exercise was never that important to me when I was younger. I was thin and hyper and had a fast metabolism, and I ate like a horse but never gained weight. Until I was about 20. My metabolism stopped in its tracks and I grew out of the ultra-hyperness, and all I was left with were horrible eating habits and a now sedentary lifestyle.

So here I am – after years of gaining and losing more pounds than I can count – at age 51, over 100 pounds overweight, and still with poor eating habits. But once again, I’m starting over. The difference this time is that I have a leader who has been through the trenches (she’s lost 200lbs and is still losing) and a group of women to walk the path with. We’re learning together about meal prep and nutrition and activity.  I’m learning and enjoying and actually working out for the first time in my life. Not just walking or circuit fitness, but a variety of exercise and activites. Normally I would give up because, well, I didn’t want to work that hard. But keeping up with my fitness sisters – it keeps me going. Last night we did flights of stairs – FLIGHTS – then lunged up the stairs, then did push ups on each stair. This does not include the other arm and ab work that we did. I couldn’t keep up and I had to be careful not to reinjure my knee, but I did more than I’ve ever done before. My arms and legs are still noodles. I could barely lift my arms to wash my hair this morning. But it’s a good sore.

And my eating habits are changing. I didn’t notice how horrible my eating was until I started to change. I am an emotional eater. Baked good are my comfort food. But I’m establishing better eating habits – setting goals, planning ahead, implementing meal prep, trying new recipes, eating more fruits and vegetables. All of the things that I KNOW to do but have not consistently practiced. I am not a fan of green food, except pickles and M&Ms, but I am learning. And so far I have only gagged on the vegetables once. (But if I find peas in ANYTHING, it’s a deal breaker.)

So today I’m off to yoga with Anne. Two hours of yoga with strangers. I’m sure the stretching will be very good for me. And I’ve been wanting to try yoga for a while. I already know the importance of breathing for stress reduction.

Now I just need to figure out how to not talk for TWO HOURS. For me, this may be the biggest stretch of all.