It’s halfway through the month, and I’m hitting the wall.
I worked 12-hour night shifts on Friday and Saturday night and, of course, slept on Sunday. I have thoughts and words swirling in my head but it’s just not coming together. Some days I want to just write from my heart, but then I think no, it needs to be perfect and shiny. This year has been better than the last #write31days challenge, but it’s still hard to write every day. Discipline is not my strong suit and I get bored easily, particularly with myself. I’m tired and I’m going to be traveling off and on for the rest of the month. It just feels like it would be easier to just let it go.
This is a common theme in my life, unfortunately. Start strong and finish poorly. The big picture seems overwhelming and I lack the confidence that I’m going to finish strongly, so it’s easier to just let it slowly slip away.
I’m tired of living my life like this. I have too many stories of starting and not finishing.
So here’s what’s on my heart: living a better story doesn’t always feel good. It’s not always perfect and shiny. Sometimes it means leaving friends and family behind. Sometimes it means starting over in an awkward new space. Sometimes it means writing because you’re supposed to write – you can’t get better if you’re not practicing consistently. Sometimes it means trying something new that you’re not very good at (yet). It means making yourself vulnerable in front of other people. It means keeping going even when you don’t feel like it. It means stop hitting the snooze button and get your ass out of bed. It means trudging your way through the boring parts to get to the other side.
It means remembering that you’re a seasonal person and this is just a season.
I can blame schedule, lack of sleep, too many responsibilities.
But the truth is that 99% of the time there is only one thing stopping me.